Talk:Hidden Enemies/@comment-25630395-20150719015545

(let's do this comment WFW style xD)

SPOILERS

Prologue

That prologue was sweet <3 It was a nice pre-intro and it got his 'early history' out of the way so you could launch straight into him as an older kit without wasting much time. The last sentences of the prologue kind of circled around the non-existant she-kit, which was okay, but it would have been a bit more effective to end it on something about Hiddenkit. However, it's your choice, and this is just an opinion.

Chapter One

I love kit scenes in general xD. This one was a nice entry into Hiddenkit's dynamics with his playmates and his brother. I felt really sorry for Mintkit tho D: It was like the two of them were ganging up on here lol. But it showed the reader that Hiddenkit was already more skilled than his denmates.

The Phoenixstar thing was a little sudden... I was kinda like ' he wins hide and seek so he'll be a good leader...?' but I guess the leader was referring to Hiddenkit's skill or something but yeah.

I was a little confused as to why Skylark is suddenly withdrawn from her son because it appeared like she loved him, or would have loved him, very much in the prologue. The thing with the mentors kind of made me dislike the character Hiddenkit a bit because it reminded me of Brokenstar- if you read Yellowfang's Secret, he wanted a strong mentor and not the cat that the leader gave him. But it was a nice introduction into Hiddenshade/star as a kit,

Chapter Two

OH okay I understand now haha. It was a little surprising that Hiddenkit's parents and family suddenly hated him all that much because we got the feeling that they were very loving earlier on. Sagenoses' explanation made sense now, yee. Though I was a little confused he was that ready to tell a little kit he was gonna 'destroy' the Clan.

Hiddenkit :D This was a very exciting chapter and I wish Hiddenkit would kill his parents. mwah ha ha. Also, I find it really sweet how Shadowkit and Hiddenkit still love each other even though their parents are jerks. Reminds me of Oakkit and Crookedkit from CP.

In general, this story's plot has a lot of potential, and I can't wait to see how it enfolds. Your grammar and spelling ar generally correct apart from a few typos. One recurring error I noticed was in your dialogue (capitalizing after the comma) but you fixed it later on. Also, this:

"What'd he say?!" She asked excitedly.

I think it's supposed to be lower case 's'.

Great job, Whiskers!

★ ★ ★ ★

END SPOILERS