Talk:Left To Be/@comment-25855041-20150509152643

Wow, Flame, this is amazing! There's alot I have to say about this!

                                                           SPOILERS!

PROLOGUE

It's a bit short, but I like how it begins. The first line is very desriptional and detailed, and it gives me a good idea of what's going to happen. Though, maybe you'll want to describe what was happening a bit better? First, it's called a tom, then Snaketooth's father, then a tom a again. Maybe make that a bit longer and shortly more organized. I also like that you had Razor's voice whisper into Snaketooth's mind, very interesting and creative.

CHAPTER ONE

I can see you used first-person here. I like how you had Snake not want to leave his mother, and I found that very touching. I like the conversation between the cats in the chapter, especially with Hazel and Snake. I like how Razor's tone comes out to the other cats, but maybe make the insults a tad bit lighter? I like how I could sense Snake's fear, and I like the whole meaning of the story. I can tell you were very interested and had fun writing this.

CHAPTER TWO

I like the dialogue, for one. But when you say 'the cat', I wonder who says it, but it makes it mysterious, I guess. I like how Milo's sense of humor and character is devoloped. Also, the 'gray and white tom', was that Statusphere, or..?

CHAPTE THREE

I'm in love with the first few lines. And I'm guessing the season is Leaf-bare? I also find it kind of sad how we never got to meet Hazel in the story completely, but it's your story. I like how the dialogue between the mother and Snake came together, and I like how you made Snake seem depressant after she died. I like when Milo just cuts in and throws a random insult in, it makes it seem so much more interesting. I also like the italicized part about his mother's promise to meet him out of camp.

CHAPTER FOUR

I like how Snake and Milo argued, but I also felt bad that Snake could never fit in with anyone else. I also enjoy the parts of Snake getting a chance to toy with him, and I found that very intriguing.

CHAPTER FIVE

I love how there's a new cat that comes inot the picture. Let me take a wild guess, it's a Clan Medicine Cat? Not hard to tell. I like the dialogue between the two, yet there is some vague sense from Snake's understanding.

I really enjoyed reading the first few chapters of your story, and I hope you finish it soon! Keep up the good work!