User blog:ThunderWaves/It's time for the truth

I have not been completely truthful to you. You ask, "Wassup?" or "Howya doin?" and I say "fine"

Well I lied, and I'm very sorry. A wonderful Christian Wikian named EpicMusicGeek saw through my lies and asked me how I really was. This was my response...

Sorry for late response. Super busy and a lot going on.



I am shattering, and I don't know what to do. Nothing is right anymore...my life is falling apart and there's nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. I'M falling apart. I'm becoming the monster I swore that I'd never become, but here I am, a hateful, angry, destructive 13-almost-14-year-old-teenager who has to watch his family, his neighborhood, his life, and himself crumble into the dust from which it came.

To say the truth, I abuse things that are innocent, I have major mental breakdowns whenever something goes wrong, I have nervous breakdowns whenever anyone's mad at me, I freak out and scream and cry and destroy when small things happen, my dad is not supporting my mother, my extended family are all the meanest people I've ever met, hunters  are doing illegal things down the block and have threatened my mother, we have a near-to-death cat in the house who can't even use his back legs, I haven't seen one brother for weeks and won't see him for awhile (not even at Christmas), my other brother we haven't seen for well over a year now, my schoolwork is mediocre, I am forgetting things left and right, I'm mouthing off, I'm being disrespectful, I'm angry at everything, I hate myself to the zenith, I have a trip to save up for in little more than a week (like a little under $130)...

there's so much going on, and my faith is wavering and yet strong. I would never renounce my faith, and I don't blame God, but WHERE IS HE? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Why does EVERYTHING happen to this family? WHY? WHY US? My mom has had ENOUGH ABUSE ALREADY. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH ABUSE. WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH. I DON'T BLAME GOD, BUT HE'S THE ONE LETTING IT HAPPEN!



Thanks for messaging me...I needed that. The truth really needed to be spoken; it was long, long, long overdue.

I'm so sorry for lying to you...I am such a horrible, horrible person to have lied to such wonderful people as you are. THIS is why I am so edgy. I am so, so sorry. I never wanted you to know, but you need to if you are to understand me, my trials, and my tribulations. I don't think I can apologize enough. I'm so sorry! I didn't want to burden you with more of my crappy, hell-like life. And trust me, my mom has a worst life, so don't think I am the only. My mom has had the worst life I have ever heard ever, and should you ever find out, I can guarantee you that you'll want to wash your eyes and bleach your brain.

I'm so sorry this had to come out so abruptly, but Music did the right thing; she did what friends do: ask. Ask. Ask. Ask real questions, that the only response may be real answers. Ask.

I'm sorry, so so sorry. You can block me if you'd like; it's okay if you hate me. I'm not a likable person. Not in the least of ways.

I'm not inactive because I'm busy; I'm inactive because of ME. I am the problem here and I am the one who got behind in his schoolwork, skipped assignments, and broke the rules of the household by swearing insanity and bashing my room and hurting myself.

I'm sorry the truth came out like this. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I came here at all. This is a great community, and I don't deserve you guys. I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry.

Please forgive me, but you don't have to.

What is Life? L i f e : a n e n d l e s s  g a m e; a deathmatch, in which nobody survives.  16:18, October 28, 2015 (UTC)